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Archive for April, 2008

Today it is currently in the 70s. Ergo, it should be a good day. Right? Well, apparently not. To give you a brief snapshot of my day:

Walking back from lunch towards the dorm with my two roommates, I am swinging my keys around on my lanyard, as I am wont to do. Today, however, for the first time ever, I actually hit myself right in the jaw – hard. And my roommates, who are a step behind me, don’t say a thing, even though I know that they saw me. So now my jaw hurts like someone punched me, which is essentially what happened.

But did the lovely 10 minute walk end there? Of course not! Bad roommate, M, leaves to go to class, and normally-good roommate, T, continues up the walk with me. Except not. For some reason, she decides that it is a good idea to walk just fast enough that we are no longer walking together, and then the gap gets bigger and bigger. This time, I actually mention something, and she flippantly responds, “I like to walk fast!” Now, usually I’m the fastest in our small group, having the longest stride, and I’m walking at my normal speed. This continues all the way up the hill to the dorm. Now, if she had something to do, or was racing to class, or something explicable, I wouldn’t mind. But she’s done for the day, with nothing left to do. So essentially, she just decided to be rude and ignore me completely. Lovely.

I am so ready to go home.

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Usually my Tuesday nights are kinda crazy since I have every single one of my five classes on Wednesdays, and thus have a good amount of homework.  Last night, however, the only homework I actually got done was work for the one class that has a “field trip” today, and so I didn’t need to do the homework really.

But anyway, that’s not what made it a good night.  My good night started around 6:30/7pm.  We all went to dinner around 6:20ish, so that I could make it to the intramural softball game.  I got to the field on time, but there were only teo other girls from my team there, so we were frantically calling people to try to get enough for us not to forfeit (6), but  no one was available.  Fortunately for us, the other team only had two people there, so they would have had to forfeit as well.  Since neither of us had enough players, the game is going to be rescheduled.

Well, I was all ready to actually get some exercise, so I asked D, one of the other girls on the team, who also started the squash club I’m a part of, if she wanted to play some squash with me.  So we both went back to our rooms, grabbed our squash equipment and headed over to the rec center.  Both squash courts were being used, surprisingly, so we just warmed up on one of the racquetball courts.  Finally, we checked the other courts, and one was open, so we played a few quick games.  It was really good to actually get some exercise.  What was even better, however, was just hanging out with D, who I haven’t really talked to in forever, essentially.  We were able to have a great time, joking and laughing the whole time.  I really think I need to start branching out my group of friends, because I’m starting to think that some of the reason that I’ve been so ‘off’ lately is that everything is basically stagnant and I need change, as I have talked about before.

 I just don’t really know how to go about doing that.  I mean, I know that to make new friends, you should try to find people with common interests, and join clubs, and all that jazz, but the problem is that I don’t really like a lot of the student body on this campus.  I absolutely adore the school, but not so much the student body.  Plus, there are only 2 weeks of classes left, which isn’t exactly prime time to start making new friends, not to mention the fact that I won’t be here next semester, so any contacts/friends I make in the next 2 or 3 weeks, I won’t see again for almost a year.

I know I should stop making excuses, but I’m really not making excuses in the first place.  Just tyring to figure out what to do.  Any help you, dear reader, could provide, would be fantastic!

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I feel like my life is just so stagnant right now.  Stress, stress, and more stress.  I feel like I should change something about myself just to give my life some spice.  Recently, I’ve been thinking about dying my hair some fun color, but of course the last time I tried that, it didn’t look any different than usual because my hair is so freaking dark.  Plus, summer is coming and I kinda want to get a job.  A respectable job.  But maybe if I dye my hair some freaky color no one will hire me and I can have an excuse to sit at home and try to find an online job, which is my ideal at the moment.  But, like I said, the last time I tried to dye my hair, it didn’t make a noticable change.  Even though I bleached my hair beforehand and everything!  Oh, and my father would probably kill me if I dyed my hair some crazy color.

Maybe I’ll bleach it seriously blond and cut it…  Except I’ve been wanted to grow my hair out for a while now…  Except it’s at that awkward stage where it looks terrible, because it’s neither long nor short.  Maybe I’ll cut it short and invest in some awesome wigs.  Except, again, I doubt anyone would take me seriously.  Gah.

Any suggestions for another (fun) change I could make that wouldn’t ruin my summer?

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Life

Last night I had a long talk with my boyfriend.  It was nice, since we’ve barely had anytime together, much less alone together, in the past few weeks since our schedules are almost completely opposite of each other and his nights are becoming increasingly filled with commitments of one sort or another, while most of my nights are totally free.

Since I’ve had so much time to myself recently, with stuff to do yet no motivation to do it, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things concerning my life, and it hasn’t exactly been a happy contemplation.  I don’t feel like I’m doing anything with my life, I’m just kind of stagnating, and yet I have little to no motivation to do anything about it.  I have all these grand ideas, but when it comes to actually doing something about it, I can’t seem to get started.  For instance, I’ve had these ideas for two blogs that I would like to start, and there is absolutely nothing holding me back except my own motivation.  For some reason, I cannot seem to be able to make myself sit down at my computer and start writing some posts and uploading them.  It’s free, it’s easy, and yet I cannot do it.  Instead, I sit at my computer, reading other people’s blogs, wishing that I had my own blog that more people than just my roommate would read, and generally wasting time doing absolutely nothing productive.  I get behind on my homework because I am wasting so much time.  And it’s a totally vicious cycle that I want to get out of, but lack the motivation, or the jump start, or whatever.  I mean, I know that I would be told that I just have to start doing it, and even though it is hard at the beginning, it will get easier as time goes on, yet I just don’t know….

The other thing that we were talking about, that has also been on my mind for a while now, is my anti-socialness.  I desperately want to be the type of girl who everyone knows and thinks is genuinely nice, even if they aren’t best friends with her or anything.  That has been my dream.  And yet, here I am, constantly in my room every single day and night, limiting myself to three friends and a boyfriend, plus a few friends from home.  I mean, I like love my alone time, but sometimes, I just wish that I could go out and have more friends or at least acquaintances whom I feel comfortable around.  But I don’t have any idea how to become that person.  I am so private and get so defensive around people, that I automatically push them away.  I mean, I can’t even stand to kiss my boyfriend in anything even close to a public arena.  I even get uncomfortable when my sister touches my arm or something!  I had to make myself work on hugging people since most of my friends are touchy-feely and love hugging! 

I’m just at a complete loss as to what I should do…

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