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Archive for March, 2009

My friend P has been having some troubles this semester – not with classes, but with anorexia.  I’ve known about it for a while, since we eat dinner together most nights and it’s fairly obvious, and have been encouraging her to work on it.  She does go to a nutritionist and her parents are aware of the problem.  But they can only do so much.

Tonight, she told me that she and her nutritionist had talked earlier today, and the nutritionist had said that if things don’t start going better, she might want to consider going to an in-patient facility for these sorts of issues for a few weeks after graduation to try to work on this issue, rather than only seeing someone for an hour or two a week.  P understands the possible necessity, and the potential help this could give her, and she’s at a prime time in her life that she can afford to take a few weeks off, before she actually finds a job.  But at the same time, she doesn’t really want her parents to think that she’s failed them, particularly since her mother is someone who works with people with eating disorders.

I know she’s really torn about all this, particularly since she sees how much she’s failing to correct the damage that’s been done.  She would have to eat at least double what she’s eating now to maintain her current (unhealthy) weight, much less gain all the weight back that she’s lost in the last few months.  Fortunately, she has stopped going to the gym quite as often as she did before she started seeing the nutrionist.  I think the possibility that she might faint in public – a possibility raised by the nutritionist apparently – was more encouragement than the possibility of just fainting or working too hard in general.  But, whatever helps.

And so, here I am.  I really want to help her, but I fear I just don’t quite understand.  I’m trying to be as supportive as I can be, but I just can’t seem to grasp a true understanding of why she’s having so many issues with eating.  And I get that it’s probably really hard to understand unless you’ve gone through it yourself – which I haven’t – but I feel like the only way to help, or even try to begin to help is through understanding.

Is there anyone out there who has been in a similar situation?  And ideas for how I can help her?  I know I can’t cure her or anything drastic like that, but I also know, from our talks, that she recognizes how big of an impact this is having on her life (i.e. academically and emotionally as well as physically), and that I can understand, and I just want to help her in someway – any way.

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In Which I Give Up

I feel like I’ve come to a realization about myself, but I’m not quite sure what it means, or why I do it, or if I should even try to change it.

Last night, roomie, el boyo, another friend (P), and I were playing Questions, which is essentially just an excuse for us to all just sit around talking about random things, particularly our oh-so-interesting lives in high school.  At some point, the question of having children came up, and basically every one in the room said they wanted children, which I expected*.  Of course, then the attention turns to me, and I said that I honestly don’t really want kids.  Asked to explain why, I stated my usual reasons, which pretty much run along the lines of, I have never really liked being around children for extended amounts of time.  Sure, I love kids sometimes – when they’re being good or asleep, but otherwise I just don’t see eye-to-eye with them.  I am an extremely rational person, and kids are much more emotional, without much reasoning skills.  I can understand this sounds ridiculous to some people, but I jsut see it as a rational thing that I simply do not want to have kids, because I don’t think I’d be a good mother and I don’t really want that sort of interruption in my life.  I can see how some people might view this as being cold-hearted, but wouldn’t it be worse for me to have kids and then ignore them or something because they bug me?  Not that I would do that, but still, you get my drift (I hope! – if not, let me know, and I can attempt to explain myself better).

Anyway, as I was trying to explain this, at some point, my friend P asked, “So basically, you’re just lazy?”  Well, it was more of a statement than a question, I suppose.  Anyway, instead of arguing with her, I just shrugged and said, “Sure” and let that be the end of the conversation.

I noticed myself doing this this time because a few months ago, I had a huge argument that got way out of hand with another friend of mine, C.  It was hugely unfair and emotions were running high and it lasted a few days, mostly over the internet, which contributed to its getting out of hand.  Finally, I was sick of it all, and went over to confront her.  I told her that I was sick of it and would like for her to state her issues with me.  She laid them out, concluding with the fact that she “no longer trusted me”.**  Instead of arguing with her, as I had been for the past few days, I simply said “ok” and walked away.  We’ve barely said a word since***.

Anyway, the point of all this is to say that I realize that when I’m in an argument/discussion with someone who obviously doesn’t understand where I am coming from, I seem to have a tendancy to just give up and let them think whatever they want to think, no matter how inaccurate it is.

Is this a good thing?  A bad thing?  Am I doing the right thing by walking away from a situation?  Or should I stand up for myself more?  As I said at the beginning of this post, I’m not really sure what to do or think about this realization.  Any one out there in the blogosphere have any ideas?

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*  El boyo and I have actually talked about this question recently as being one of the biggest potential barriers to us getting married, since he loves kids and wants a large family, and I don’t

**The irony of this statement, in retrospect (since at the time I was too infuriated with her claims to think straight) was that the whole argument started because I tried to be honest with her and tell her that I thought that something she was doing was wrong.  Sore point.

*** Roomie was also friends with C, as we had all shared a triple last year, but then a few weeks later, C started dating roomie’s ex-boyfriend, with whom roomie was still partially in love with – a fact C was well aware of –  and now roomie hates C and neither of us talk to her anymore.

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I had a delivery today.

It’s always exciting to get packages in the mail, especially when you’re in college.

Who knows what might be in the package?  Mementos from home, home-made cookies, new clothing, cash…

Smallville Season 7….

Age of Empires

Happiness reigns triumphant!

Except for the small, minor, even insignificant fact that I have a) WAY too much work to do to even think about watching the former and installing/playing the latter.  Maybe if I watch the former while installing/playing the latter?  Hmmm

Dangerous thoughts, those!  Must.  Get.  Work.  Done.  Before.  Fun.

Is it ironic (or perhaps perfectly appropriate) that my university is having a “forum” next week about whether or not we (as a university community) are overly concerned with work over play?  Maybe I should do my civic* duty and put play over work.  My favorite play/operetta isn’t Pirates of Penzance for nothing!

*Is is civic duty if I’m doing it for the greater good of a smaller community than the country?  If not, what sort of duty might that be called?

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While eating in dhall with el boyo yesterday, Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” came onto the dhall radio station (which, b-t-dubbs, plays the best music!) and I started singing along.  El boyo looked at me like I was crazy, and, thinking he just couldn’t hear it, I explained that it was playing.  And then I discovered that he had never heard the song before and therefore had absolutely no idea what was going on or how/why I would know the words to this random song.  A travesty!

But it only gets worse…

In trying to convice me that this song is not, in fact, in the purview of the average college kid, el boyo insisted on asking a few guys near us (whom he knew) and guess what?  They had never heard of it either!  How is it that these guys don’t know classic rock?  I thought all college kids would know the basics of classic rock!  Seriously!

Ergo, for the benefit of those hordes of ignorant people out there, without further ado, I present to you, “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by one of the creepiest singers ever, Meatloaf:

I really had forgotten how truly creepy that man is/was.  He actually reminds me of Peter Pettigrew in the Harry Potter movies:

Peter Pettigrew

Either that or the Cat Demon from Charmed:

And now I will probably have nightmares of a conglomeration of these three creepy men chasing me.  But for you, dear readers, I shall chance it.

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About two weeks ago, I decided to try to post everyday for as long as possible. As anyone who happens to pop by regularly may have noticed, that failed miserably the second spring break hit. So now, a week after the end of spring break, I’m back!

No more promises to post every single day. I’m going to post when I want. And I hope that that will be on a regular basis. But if I make the promise that I will post every single day, the second I realize I have missed a day, my motivation declines ever-so-sharply and I stop posting for weeks instead of simply one day.

I feel I have some new-found vigor, probably thanks to the advent of spring, and with any luck, this blog will stop being a flickering candle and will strengthen to a strong flame.

Wish me luck!

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Spring break has officially begun! I finished my bio test, practically ran back to the room, finished packing, and hit the road with my roomie! We’re road-tripping it to my home for a few days, then to her home, then back to our home at school. We got through the first part of the trip, to my grandparents’ house, basically unscathed. And now we’re slightly hopped up on sugar/caffeine and not looking forward to going to bed, but with the full knowledge that we need to go to bed or tomorrow will certainly be hell. But that’s half the fun! Right?

Anyway, I just wanted to give y’all a quick update, and promise more on the morrow. Or the morrow after that. Or, you know, whenever.

Good night!

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It seems as though I have finally found something to focus on for my senior thesis!  This is truly an exciting day!  It still needs to be condensed a bit more, but this is so much farther than I thought I would be even a week or two ago!

I’ve been reading a lot of different books on different, yet slightly interrelated topics for the past 6 or so weeks, attempting to find something that a) sparks my interest enough that I think I can stand to research it for about a year and b) is small enough that I can write a 50-page paper on it.  We started out in the approximate universe that I thought I wanted to work on, which I’ve had in mind since I finalized the design of my major this time last year.  With a fast-approaching deadline for a summer research grant application that we discovered could be useful, I hurridly narrowed it down to the solar system that I might consider studying.  And now I believe I have landed on a planet to study*

I can see a lot of potential in this planet of study, as can my advisor–I think.  There doesn’t seem to be too much written on the approximate field, and certainly nothing in the way we–I mean, I** am looking at it.  Granted, I’ve done about an hour of research on this specific area, but still 😀

And the best part is that I can see myself staying interested in this for a while, because it demands a lot of research into a lot of first-hand accounts, which I usually find pretty interesting.  But we shall see if my first actual foray into archival research bears this out…

*This is metaphorical, of course, as I am most certainly not in the sciences, as this semester in which I am taking my one and only required science course has made only too clear!

**In writing the proposal for the aforementioned grant, I kept using “we” and my advisor insisted on changing all the “we”s to “I”s, since it’s all my project and my proposal, and I’m doing the research.  While I see his point, and I appreciate his support of my ideas, I still think of it as collaborative, even though he’s basically a sounding board for my ideas…

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